By now there shouldn't be anyone in the world who doesn't know what South Park is, if not from the actual show then at least from the merchandising. Most people either love it or loathe it; a common occurrence with these modern American cartoons it seems. South Park is twisted, juvenile, sick and crudely animated. Depending on which side of the fence you sit, these are either its strengths or weaknesses. Apart from watching it on TV or buying the odd inflatable Cartman chair, that's as far as most viewers take their involvement with the show... I did say most viewers.
Imagine the horror when one Friday night my eyes were opened to something altogether too weird while Stan and the gang were on another wild adventure. The episode in particular involved Mega-Barbara fighting it out with Robert Smith (of The Cure) for the fate of the world. Kenny, the wee guy in the bright orange parka had managed quite successfully to avoid dying up to that point, despite the best efforts of the animators. In a blink of an eye though, his face or what you can see of it, turned blue and lifeless as he strangled himself accidentally with one of those summer childhood swingball games. As his torso swung there in the cool winter breeze, I experienced a spiritual revelation...
Every week I watched with morbid fascination waiting to see when and how the little kid would die. I had bought into the whole world the animators wanted me to see. What's wrong with that then? Dig a bit; look closer at the structure of South Park and in particular Kenny's life cycle. He is a small, harmless-looking child born to poor parents. He's killed every week and by the next week he's there at the start again alive. Why? Some may say it's the old Star Trek trick of resetting a successful formula at the end of every episode. Wrong! The truth is stranger.
Kenny's deaths are usually due to the actions of the other kids, although it has to be said not directly. It's Cartman's greed, Stan and Kyle's teasing of other kids or actually just about anything Cartman does that leads to the little bugger getting it. Kenny more times than not is the innocent victim in the cruel world of South Park. He dies week in week out for the sins of the South Park community. With his humble origins he carries the problems of the world on his shoulders and is sacrificed for them only to rise again seven days later... yes, I can see the shock of what I'm suggesting cross your face as you recognise it too--Kenny is the Son of God!
Whoa there, wait a minute, you cry. Doesn't Jesus have his own talk show in South Park? Kenny can't be the Holy One then. Once again, wrong. The Jesus in South Park is old and past it. He has no power--he can't beat Satan in a stand up boxing fight without it being rigged, no-one believes in him, he never gives any advice on his public access show and he even slept with Cartman's mum. In all, he's a bit of a failure.
How can Kenny have parents and be the Son of God then? Easy--what about the whole Mary and Joseph thing? If it happens in the Bible, why not again in South Park? What's more Kenny survives in the Christmas show--an obvious clue. After all, isn't it someone's birthday on that very day? The Bible also describes little of JC's childhood--we don't know if he had an orange parka but we can presume he would have hung out with at least one Jewish kid, like Kenny does with Kyle.
Still, the problem of Kenny and Jesus being alive at the same time exists. However I have solved this with reference to various strange texts.
Where the whole Kenny/Jesus/God problems arises from is due to the fact we are taking meaning from the show in a purely literal sense when we should be using symbolism. The show takes on a whole new light when you start looking at it in this manner.
We have already shown that South Park's Jesus is a pale version of his former self. Obviously this is not the real God's son as God is all-powerful, all-knowing, etc. The Son of God deep in those Colorado mountains couldn't perform miracles on the weak and poor even if he wanted to. In his own words he "wouldn't touch that with a barge pole". What I propose is that South Park's foremost religious messiah is in fact a symbol of the church on earth embodied in one man like the Pope. Kenny on the other hand is the literal blood descendent of the Biblical Jesus.
This sort of theory is not new. You only need to walk down the New Age aisle in Waterstone's to see hundreds of books dedicated to this sort of reasoning. One such is Baigent, Leigh and Lincoln's Holy Blood, Holy Grail. In a nutshell they put forward the theory that Jesus survived the crucifixion and had a son. The son and Mary escaped persecution to France where they set up a royal priest-king lineage--the Merovingians. Out of this grew the Knights Templar, who with the Merovingians were hunted to the brink of extinction by the Catholic church. Why? Both the Templars and Merovingians had too much money, land, political and religious power. It was a weak church led by a jealous Pope that signed their death papers.
The survivors went underground and formed secret societies including the Masons and the shadier Priory of Zion. It was while trying to decipher a mystery of a small town church in the south of France that the authors discovered "the facts" that lead them to this conclusion. If you apply all this to South Park it starts to make sense.
What we have is a grand Masonic plot to influence how we look at orthodox religion. The conspirators have placed certain symbols in South Park to prepare us for the time when they can put a Merovingian descendent back on the French throne and reclaim the religious high ground. Hence the weak Jesus, and Kenny being killed every week for Cartman's selfish cravings.
If we look even further, we can see more evidence by deciphering the occult symbolism within. Kenny is also a manifestation of the uroboros--the snake that swallows its own tail. The uroboros is a popular symbol for the continual process of life and death; everything is one. Alchemical literature is full of transformations the most important being the turning of lead into gold. Transformations are everywhere in South Park. The teacher has plastic surgery to make himself look like David Hasselhoff so he can pick up women. And the secret of eternal life--Barbara Streisand is desperate to find Cartman's magic triangle so she can give herself the power to rule the world, and presumably hold back the ravages of time. She is very upset about that when the kids bring up how old she is.
Another alchemical favourite is the production of weird creatures. During an alchemy course at Aberdeen Uni1, I discovered in one book a recipe for creating a mighty gryphon. It consisted of putting a quantity of gold in a container of urine from a virginal fifteen-year-old boy. This would be placed in a pile of hay and left to bake for a month. After a month a large egg would appear. If you kept it warm under all that hay, eventually it would hatch into a majestic gryphon. Does this have anything to do with South Park though? No, but monsters created by genetic engineering do, as does the strange Scuzzlebutt creature. Surely he is a product of this modern day alchemy?
The swingball death is another pointer to a Masonic conspiracy. I read somewhere that as well as rolling up a trouser leg, another part of the Masonic initiation costume is to wear a hangman's noose around your neck. All these hidden symbols point towards the Masonic conspiracy theory.
Let's examine one episode in particular--the Halloween episode. Some religious leaders have stated that it is folly for mankind to spend so much money on space exploration when there are big problems at home. The MIR space station is a symbol of man ignoring God. Is it any wonder that Kenny (Son of God) is killed right at the start of that episode by that very same symbol? Man's folly has destroyed God... but no--due to the miraculous restorative power of Worcestershire Sauce (Secret of Eternal Life), Kenny comes back to life as a zombie and starts eating people (converting folk to the true way). Hallelujah, he has risen from the dead! Even Chef becomes a "believer". The other kids go trick-or-treating (Pagan festival/tradition); Cartman in his evil Hitler outfit and then Ku Klux Klan/ghost costume (no explanation needed), Stan as Raggedy Andy (manifestation of the Wicker Man?) and Kyle as Chewbacca (obviously a crude but obscure reference to King Arthur. Chewbacca is a big bear-thing, Arthur means bear). When things go against this unholy triumvirate, Kyle chainsaws Kenny to death again, "Oh my God, I killed Kenny, you Bastard!" Yes Kyle, you killed him--he died at your hands for your sins and you know it. Just look at all that strangeness in one episode--I rest my case.
If what I'm saying is true, why is there any reason to keep it hidden then? For starters the established orthodox religions would hardly like to see their cosy world undermined by this new exciting revelatory news, although this sort of theorising has been going on for years without challenging their status. As already declared there are many books where this sort of thinking is common. More than likely the timing is not correct. When our minds have been completely indoctrinated by this Masonic/occult propaganda they will be ready to strike. Mark my words, one day there will be a new order of the Knights Templar keeping the peace, a descendent of Jesus on the throne of France and in charge of the world's Christian community, and by that point he'll have made it compulsory to wear orange parkas.
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